


The Adventures of Zara Thomas and Her Love Notes

by gucciitaetae



Category: Interracial Relationships - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Female Character of Color, High School, POV Female Character, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Teen Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-26 18:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15006362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gucciitaetae/pseuds/gucciitaetae
Summary: A recollection of a short-lived high school crush in a journal created by Zara Thomas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a hopeless crush on someone I have no chance with. -anonymous

Dear Journal,

Nothing much happened throughout the month of January. I wasn't infatuated to the slightest. I would see... are you ready for this?! hahahaha Lee every now and then when walking Joy to class and more often later in the month. Yeah I know Lee, one of the most well known Korean boys at Oak Grove High School. He's kind of stuck up, but never around me so I guess maybe that's why I took a liking to him. I truly think that was when the feelings started showing through. Every time I have a crush I try to deny it no matter what. Maybe this is what I was doing mentally, but I'm not entirely sure to be completely honest with you. It's hard to recall all the events that led up to the next few months because January is kind of a blur. Sorry for this one being so short. Next section will be a little longer.

xoxo, 

Zara

p.s. I forgot a portion from the end of this month because my brain isn't working properly today. I'll just put it at the beginning of the next chapter.


	2. February 2018

Dear Journal,

Okay I high key hated this month. I swear the whole universe was out to get me. About last month (January) so at our first show choir competition I had a feeling about him and I even talked to Joy about it. I figured it was because he was Korean (wrong right? *eye roll*) I was like I'm getting into K-pop so you know I don't actually like him it's just because he's a Korean boy that can just sing, dance, and is pretty cute, but I don't actually like him. (low key laughing at my thought process of me trying to deny it) So yeah back to February. I would so try to avoid him, but then I wouldn't because I would find myself putting myself near the places around the school I knew he would be and mind you our school isn't small. I'm over here trying to figure out what the eff was going on with me. I was legit having an internal conflict within myself for this whole month. Like every time I would see him in the hallway or anywhere I would quickly turn or continue in the direction I was going if he was behind me and put my head down pretending to be busy listening to music or something, but then I would hear "Zara, Zara wait up." I would look back see him,, turn back around, put my head down, smile to myself, then stop and pretend I was irritated to be stopped. (What?! I didn't need him knowing that I liked him, but i think he eventually knew) Smiling to myself, I'd be sitting over here like what is going on with me. oh yeah then at our second show choir competition I could've sworn he liked this one girl because I see the way he looks at her... I know I have no chance whatsoever, but a girl can dream. Plot twist him and Emily are talking. (Yes, I was shook as fook because I didn't think she would ever like him) I felt it in my chest, but I knew he would never like me so... (This is so weird because he keeps on responding to me on snapchat and I think to myself "Speaking of the devil".) but anyways I was like dang they're gonna date and he seems to have a type (Not a thick black girl) so yeah. She's such a sweet girl, but I found myself picking her apart (Thinking things like "She's not that pretty" or "What does he see in her") Part of me felt bad for doing it, but I wasn't surprised because I always get jealous when my crush has a girlfriend or love interest. That's when I knew for sure that I liked him and I was like dang it I done tripped, fallen, and caught feelings. Then later that month my mom started making jokes every time she saw him saying that he is her son-in-law. I was so confused and scared because my mom is crazy and you never know what she's gonna do (Black moms am I right?) I also didn't know how she knew I had a thing for him because I hadn't told anyone about him. So summary of this month my emotions were all over the place because I was confused, disgusted (at myself), happy, sad, and in need of attention. I wasn't even on my period during any of this so I can't even blame my hormones for my crazy emotions throughout this month. This was also the month we started snapping back and forth and when he started asking me for school work like homework or notes. I had a huge soft spot for him and I swear he knew it too and used it to his advantage. That's why i think he kept on asking me for stuff. Apparently our streak started exactly February 9th of this year. Oh yeah there was also something else. When we were at one of our competitions he found me when I was going with friends to watch awards and such. We were trying to find seats because the place was packed. He followed me with his hand on my shoulder. My mom saw us and kept teasing me and said we seemed like we were dating the way he followed me, but I don't see it at all. I was afraid she was going to say something to him. We found seats after walking around a the building. Sad part is my group found seats, but there wasn't enough for all of my group and him so I went up a but higher away from my group. I didn't want him to be alone because he told me not to leave him. He ended up leaving me thought for some of his closer friends, but I'm okay with that. I'm not that important to him.

xoxo, 

Zara

p.s. I feel disappointed in how I was acting because of this kid. This is a bloody shame to be honest. 

p.p.s. Don't make fun of me too hard. I know I was being extra as I don't know what.


	3. Author's Note

At this point nothing much has happened, so if you have any questions, concerns, or curiosities feel free to contact me. Now pay close attention because this next chapter is the climax of the crush.

Disclaimer: Lee and Zara will not be dating or talking or anything more than friends anytime soon, so please no shipping but if you do let me know. Thank you.

xoxo,

Zara


	4. March 2018

Dear Journal,

This month gets pretty detailed and is likely to be as long or longer the last one. March 2nd was a big day for me. Most days I would walk Joy to class because that's my best friend and I don't see her too often. (He's also in her second period so perk of walking her to class) So on this particular day I was walking her to class and of course he was in there when I arrived. Sometimes I would walk in there if her teacher wasn't standing outside the door so we could finish our conversation. We were talking at her desk and he came over to talk to us like he normally does. I don't know how, what happened, what he said, but for some reason he came up behind me and hugged me from behind. I remember this moment very vividly sort of. (Yes, I was over here having heart palpitations in that moment) But yeah he said something in my ear, but my thirsty self can't remember. He had one of his arms wrapped around my chest and I grabbed his wrist while we talked like that. We stood there for a minute, we rocked a bit. I had no idea what to do to be honest. Sadly he lets go *Starts singing "Baby Come Back" in my head*. (I always got to my second block class late it was because of the crap he would pull while I was talking to Joy. I walk to my next class with the hugest smile on my stupid, little face. Later that day (still March 2nd) mind you this is the weekend that our school hosted our annual show choir competition, it was bothering me that I couldn't talk to anyone about the parasite that is him in my head. At this point I had known that I liked him for a month now and it was eating me alive. The first person I decided to tell was not Joy sadly, but my close friend Nicole. I actually never told he because I truly didn't want to say his name out loud for that reason, so I told her to guess and he was one of the first people that she chose. So now Nicole knows and is the only person that I tell for the rest of the day. She kept annoyingly teasing me saying things like "Your kids wouldn't be able to see" or "They're going to be running into walls". Why she was thinking this far into the future thinking we were going to get married and have kids or something I don't even know. Later that night Nicole and I went backstage when we were on a break from working concessions that night. We sat back there for a while talking to Daniel and guess who also walked in a few minutes later... yup you were likely right the boy I was infatuated in. (These memories get blurry here, but I still remember the main events) I'm sitting in an armchair more like tucked up in a ball to try and give you a visual so bare with me. Daniel comes and sits on the arm of the chair, but most of his body is sitting on me because the chair isn't that big. Mi amor (hahaha I'm playing it's just Lee) comes over and does the same. Honestly I was so confused. Yes, I had known them both since elementary, but who just does that. I'm not a chair. Nicole in the chair next to me was laughing to herself and making hearts and stuff, all the things that your friends do when you're around your crush. So yeah the tea for this day is done now onto March 3rd. This was the day I had told Joy. I was working my shift for that day and I decided to call and tell her because she should know about it. I told her to guess and she guessed him immediately. I was shocked because I had never told her or anyone, so I was confused as to how she knew. Then I was about to freak out thinking "Was I that obvious?" and "I hope he doesn't know". She said she was waiting until she was more sure of her "hypothesis". She said that she knew because of my actions around him and the way we looked at each other when we talked (bahahahaaha I don't even know. I'm quoting her.) When I ask her about it now she says it was because when I would walk inside her class a lot of days and he would walk over to us, I would stop talking to her and talk to him. (I'm such a bad friend I know don't hate me for it) We always code name our crushes with some stupid name, so for this crush we called him Noodles because he's Asian and why not. Later that day my feelings were in a way crushed. Emily and I were working concessions and he came to see her. They were talking together and looking cute and stuff and I was butt hurt looking at all that from the side. I knew I would never make him happy in that way. (bahaha I'm playing sort of, but I was still butt hurt) Later that night for my break I went backstage again, so I could watch some of the groups performing on the TV that was in there. You probably have an idea of what happens next, but anyway he walks in of course. Remember I'm still sulking in my loneliness about what happened before with him and Emily. I'm sitting alone in the room on the couch that's in there and he comes and sits right next to me. Mind you there's another four chairs available and plenty of more couch space, but no he comes and sits right next to me. I was thinking to myself "What the fook are you doing?" but I didn't think fook. I wanted him to leave me alone so I could wallow. I was really trying to figure out as to why he was sitting so very close to me. (To get a mental picture, he was sitting so close to me our thighs were touching and so were our shoulders) I stayed in there for about thirty minutes or so and we talked a bit then I left to go back to concessions. When I got back Emily asked, "Where have you been?" I was thinking to myself "Avoiding you", but I didn't say that because that's mean and she doesn't need to ask to many questions and figure it out. Don't get me wrong I'm not normally this much of a bitch and I love this girl, but it's just I tend to try to find flaws in the girls my crushes like or date or I try to compare myself to them and find flaws within myself. (Mainly the latter. Self esteem issues if you know what I mean) Those were the main points of this month. I'm sure other things happened, but of less significance to me and I just can't remember.

xoxo,

Zara

p.s. If you need more details or are confused about something feel free to ask. I got you.


	5. April 2018

Dear Journal,

I forgot to mention this, but at some point, I had started giving him my history notes. (I would give anyone notes, but many days I would give him my whole notebook because it made my bag lighter at least that's what I told myself) Basically, the main times he talked to me was when he needed something for school. What I ever saw in him, I don't really know to be honest. I look back at it now and in a way, he was using me because I was allowing him to and I shouldn't have. It's okay though, I feel like it happens to the best of us. At this point, I thought I was finally over this kid, but I played myself because turns out I still did sadly. At the beginning of this month, we had a fundraiser for the choirs at my school. I can remember a lot of its events very vividly. I was telling everyone that I couldn't sing and I sounded like a dying cat, so maybe they wouldn't listen to me. I only signed up to sing that day, so I could conquer one of my fears, singing in front of a crowd by myself. Anyways back to the crush thing. Before the event started I almost had to punch him in the chest (I mean what's new?) because he was basically calling me a koreaboo. (a person obsessed with the South Korean culture) I was highly upset and really wanted to cuss him out, but I'm a child of God and I'm truly not a koreaboo. He was out here exposing me talking about "she watches kdramas and listens to kpop". Okay yes, I do like to shake things up in my life, but everyone standing around us at the time don't need to know that. Sorry rant is over. After that happened, it was slowly getting closer to the time for me to sing and I was starting to panic because I've never done something like this before hence the conquering fears thing. He knew I was worried and stressing without even trying to hide it. He came up to me and told me that I would do fine and to calm down. I would say it helped, but I'd be lying to myself because I panicked up until the moment I performed and left the stage. I thought I did bad to be honest because I don't think I sound good while singing. People congratulated me and said I did a good job, but when he said it I believed him. I'm not really sure why it took him saying something for me to actually believe it because it's not like any of my close friends would lie to me. I remember clearly what he wore that night and I thought it was funny that Emily, the girl he was talking to at the time, didn't like what he had on, but I did. That night I told my sister about the crush I had on him and she wasn't surprised at all. I pretty much expose myself to the people closest to me without bluntly telling them. We basically had a routine of us talking and stuff. At some point though he started calling me mom for some odd reason. When he first called me that I was like damn I truly am friendzoned hard. Then I was like excuse me how am I your mother exactly, but I got to thinking I treat him like he's my kid because I have a maternal instinct around most of the people I care for. Every time I think I'm over him I never truly am, but that's alright because I eventually will be. 

xoxo, 

Zara


End file.
